Now you may be wondering from the title am I talking about an existing friendship in particular or in general.
In this specific instance, it’s a friendship in particular or rather an ex friendship in particular, it’s past tense.
While working at a large corporate, I became friends with a guy, we will call him K. K seemed friendly, with a eagerness for life and had an ability to put people at their ease.
He was generally well liked, came across as easy going and could suck up to his peers and anyone else he chose well. Now, while I do not agree with kissing ass, I have noticed that there is definitely a skill to it and it seems to get results. If done well, the average person is not even aware of it or perhaps in this corporate, people were so vain and unaware that they just did not click that that’s what was happening?
Let us just say K was well versed with this skill. Regardless, I enjoyed his company, I thought he was loyal, that we shared some of the same core beliefs and that we had a good friend relationship.
He was a womanizer of note, constantly with a new woman, cheating here and there, but he just had an appetite for the flesh. Who can blame him, were all sinners after all.
We had a lot of good times. Drank together, partied together, had many smoke breaks together at work, discussing the latest nonsense that some executive had dreamt up that made no sense and just proved how totally out of touch the execs were, you get the picture.
After several years of being friends, a new guy was hired, we will call him R. We used to diss R for a few things and one day he confronted K about it. K told me about this and that he felt embarrassed etc. Anyway, somehow from then on, K and R started hanging out. R was gay, and many of you might say, oh well there you go, obviously K is gay too but he isn’t to the best of my knowledge. Remember the woman he was always with. Anyway, I noticed that he was no longer hanging out with me and going drinking etc with me, always excuses of one sort or another but I let it lie. In truth, I considered him my best friend and loved him as a good friend. One day, I was smoking and R came and had a smoke too, we got to talking and he told me about a epic night out that he had with K whom I remembered had told me he had to go and see his Dad when I suggested we paint the town red as it had been a while, probably a couple of months or so since we had gone out and had a few drinks and supper. I was obviously cheesed off and felt betrayed, who would not. Not only was I lied to by my supposed best buddy, but he went and partied without me. He didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. It hurt. There is one thing that I hold extremely high on personal attributes and Loyalty is something I both give and expect to get from a friend or girlfriend etc.
So I confronted him with this and asked why he had lied to me etc. I can’t even remember his excuse, it didn’t hold water but I do remember saying but how is it your just betraying me, hanging out with this guy you’ve known for 5 minutes, I thought we were friends. His answer, it’ doesn’t matter how long you know someone, but I enjoy hanging with him etc. That was the end of it.
The lesson learned here is that, we always expect someone else to react the same way that we would to circumstances. It is not the case unfortunately. As everyone has different life experiences, different triggers, they will react differently. People often pretend to share the same values, mostly I think, because they either don’t know what values they believe in or they don’t want to be judged perhaps or maybe because they want to fit in and so they see this as a step on the road to doing that.
Also, sometimes, we may expect too much from a friendship. Some people are more loyal than others, some people are willing to sacrifice for the people and things they care about and some people are not. I guess they’re just not built that way. It’s not even their fault if you think about it entirely dispassionately as this Is the way that God made them.
At the end of the day, we all want to be liked, we all need some love, some social interaction, some social affirmation of some type. Friendship is not easy, you need to find someone who shares the same interests or at least one, who you like and who you think you feel comfortable with. There’s all the difference between an acquaintance or even someone who you may occasionally have a drink with and a friend. Acquaintances are easy to come by, anyone you have worked with is automatically an acquaintance even your landlord and possibly your neighbor may fall into this category.
Friendship is hard work, it requires the willingness to work on both sides to keep the relationship going, but it’s worth it. You just need to find the right person or preferably people that are a good fit and the reward is worth it. Friends can help make the world a happier, less lonely place, a goal that is worthy of striving for.